Season 1: Special Episode

Today I was at yet another interview for my next boring (I shouldn’t be a pessimist) job.

I waited for 25 minutes for somebody to appear and drank my third coffee for the day. I used my time to look around. I saw some remarkable captions hanging here and there:

“Better work for nothing than stay for nothing!”

“The boss is always right!”

“If you come here with questions, you have not thought about solutions.”

A guy who was obviously in a hurry and looked a little bit stressed rushed in, waved me in a room and gave me a piece of paper. He said that I had 20 minutes to write an essay on the following topic: “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

My answer to this question is always: “How should I know? If you put technological advancements in the equation, you will have so many unknown variables that it’s impossible to solve it.” Well, I never write this (since I need a job). So, I rolled up my sleeves and managed to write something. Thirty minutes later two people came in and introduced themselves. They had my CV printed and checked what my name was. Of course, they pronounced it wrong.

They began with my “favorite” general question: “Tell us something about you!” I was thinking: “Didn’t you read my CV in advance? Don’t you have questions about my experience which is most relevant to the job?” On top of that, after carelessly skimming through my CV, they subjected me to cross-examination. They took turns in asking questions. I felt like a convict, ready to shuffle out of the back door. Here is a small part of the questions they asked me with my answers which I never uttered aloud. I will not bore you with my real answers.

Q. Why are you looking for a new job?      

A. Ugh, ‘cause I need money.

Q. Would you work holidays/weekends?  

A. Hell, no! I have a life and a family.

Q. Can you work under pressure?              

A. Define pressure! Am I going to work in an emergency room?

Q. Can you prioritize and multi-task?    

A. It’s the 21st century. Everybody can.

Q. Why should we hire you?    

A. Because your company needs employees in order to function.

Q. Why are you the best candidate for the job?  

A. Why are you the best company for me?

Q. How would you describe your ideal job?        

A. You won’t understand even if I describe it in detail.

After 2 hours, I was released. I caught my reflection in a mirror. I looked like a squeezed lemon. I never received an email from this company. Nothing like: “Thank you for your time, but we chose another candidate”. They showed no respect for my time or me as a human being.

10 years later

I work play for this great organization which transforms workplaces into a playgrounds. I was approached by a company and agreed to interview them. Maybe I could become their consultant if they are ready.

We set up the “stage” and the company representative’s hologram appears in front of me. After breaking the ice, we begin the interview.

“Why do you want to work for us?” he asks me.

I am flabbergasted. It feels like the guy used a time machine and we went back in the past when employees were going to interviews with companies and they decided whether to hire you or not. So I reply:

“I am sorry but, as you know, this is actually what I have to ask you. Why do you want me to work for you? What do you offer? How will you take care of me?”

Now the company guy looks shocked. He is totally unprepared. He doesn’t know anything about me, what I do, how his company can arouse my interest. He is trying to find some information on his mobile device. I feel sorry for him.

“OK, don’t bother. The job interview is over. Now I will tell you why I chose your company. I help companies like yours that still work in the old-fashioned way, have not adopted the new business principles and models, and are about to close down because of this.

I will be happy to help you but you have to change your attitude. You know (hopefully) that people are the greatest asset of any company nowadays. So I suggest that we reschedule this interview and start all over again next time. And, please, do a thorough research. Reading my social media profile is not enough.”

The guy sighs in relief. He tells me that they have some problems and want to make changes in their company. He smiles at me and adds that next time he will be prepared. I smile back and switch off the hologram transmitter.

Then a memory of this company comes back to me! I had an interview for a job with them 10 years ago! I started to laugh. Boy, things have changed a lot!

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